Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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