omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
