on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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