Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
