Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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