if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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