Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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