I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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