i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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