OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
