Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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