I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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