I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
