Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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