The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
3pm strippers are depressing
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
