Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
