Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
