i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
