Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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