I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
