I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
