Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
