Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
