Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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