I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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