so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize