should my penis look like a turkey
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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