Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
