He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
