She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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