Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
