Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
