That's when you crack a 10am beer
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
