It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
