i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
