I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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