My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
