mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
wow bdsm is so cute
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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