we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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