i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
