I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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