It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
