hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He passed out mid-signature
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
