You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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