i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
