guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's like iHOP with fire
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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