Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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