What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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