Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
