I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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