i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
