I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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