I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
