So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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