I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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