She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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