Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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