You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
