I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
