I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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