I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?