He is an equal opportunity slut.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.