K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize