Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.