What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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