And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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