I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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