just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
