Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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